Month: December 2012

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Wake Up Call

In a bit of a different twist, I’m lying here in bed, listening to Paul breathe. I can’t believe he’s not awake yet; it’s almost 9:45.

I’ve been up since before 8:00, having attended to a critical phone call that I was equally surprised and delighted to have received. Surprised because it’s New Year’s Eve, and so many places are closed. Delighted because it wasn’t nearly as unpleasant as I had expected and now it’s behind me.

Herein lies one of my greatest problems. I tend to avoid things that I imagine will be problematic. Lots of people do that. I understand it’s quite normal. I tend, however, to take it to ridiculous extremes, even knowing that I’ll probably be sorry later and sometimes in spite of direct evidence to the contrary. In all honesty, I cannot remember a single time when confronting any challenge that I had mentally magnified into something resembling the horror of imminent execution by guillotine preceded by a fifty-yard walk from the tumbrel that it turned out to be anything more painful, in reality, than running into a door frame, and probably less than that. Why do I do this?

It’s time to get up.

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2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,500 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 4 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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What’s Yours?

Calvin and Hobbs ResolutionsEverybody makes ‘em. Nobody keeps ‘em. Yeah. I’m talking about New Year’s resolutions.

You have to admit, they show good intention. People always mention that they want to lose weight, start exercising, manage their budget better, invest wisely, save more money, become a better parent, the lists go on. And on.

Why, honestly, do we bother? I have never yet met a person who made a New Year’s resolution that they managed to keep. Ever. Past February. (If you have, please comment, because I want to arrange a meeting with you and other world leaders.) Given that, I am starting an entirely new style of resolution, which is based on the principal of reverse psychology. It’s a well-known fact that, since the Garden of Eden, people can’t seem to avoid doing either the very thing someone tells them not to do, or just the opposite of what they are supposed to do.

So, my New Year’s Resolutions are as follows:

  • Utterly trash my home and become an unrepentant hoarder;
  • Become a recluse who shuns human contact, especially with my aging parents and any close friends;
  • Gain as much weight as is humanly possible by never cooking or eating anything healthy, let alone by attempting anything that even resembles exercise;
  • Never keep track of appointments or dates and never, ever return phone calls the same day;
  • Avoid anything that smacks of spirituality or any kind of organized religion;
  • Shamelessly prowl Facebook and Twitter All Day Long;
  • Relentlessly pursue anything that might depress me, most notably by staying in bed all day;
  • Spend my money on whimsical items that have no enduring value whatsoever; and
  • Write as little as possible.

I’ll NEVER tell you how that’s going.

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There and Back Again, Sort Of

From inside on of the hobbit holes, on locatio...

From inside on of the hobbit holes, on location at the Hobbiton set, as used in the Lord of the Rings films. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mixed emotions would be one way to describe it. Ambivalence would be another.

Yes, we’re going to see Peter Jackson’s rendition of The Hobbit, and I’m a little nervous. No, nervous isn’t really the right word. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I do really want to see the movie, but I’m expecting to be disappointed. Believe me when I say that, having read The Hobbit, I really think there’s no way Peter Jackson can do justice to is, given his reputation. That’s not good. At the same time, this movie (like his previous trilogy covering The Lord of the Rings) will certainly expose more people to J.R.R. Tolkien. That is good. Anything that gets people reading is good.

In a way, what we’re doing is interestingly evocative of The (real) Hobbit. Bilbo was pretty nervous about starting on his journey, and so am I.

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Trapped!

It’s a sudden-onset disease. It strikes randomly, completely without warning, paralyzing the lower extremities. And I’ve got it. Catalapia.

Exactly.

Sheesh… Here I was, suffering from an unexpected bout of insomnia, when I got this great idea. I believe that things happen for a reason. I’m wide awake. Why not write a blog article!?! Naturally, that’s when I discovered that I was also suffering from an unexpected bout of Catalapia. Perhaps I should say an unexpected “attack,” since it was, after all, my lap that was attacked by my cat that has now rendered me completely paralyzed and thus unable to go down to the computer and type this up like a normal person.

Did I mention the easy cure?

Exactly.

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People Watching

rubber_gloves

rubber_gloves (Photo credit: How can I recycle this)

It was the child that caught my attention. (Let’s call her Bonita, ‘cause she was just that cute). Dancing around the end of the aisle without a care in the world, brown braided pigtails bobbing as the soles of her shoes flashed in time to her footsteps. Clearly oblivious that others were watching. Adult others. Also clearly oblivious was Bonita’s mom, who was checking the end cap display of French-fried onion rings for untried nuances to her stand-by green bean casserole. Her quest for culinary enrichment had momentarily blinded her to the fact that Bonita’s new obsession was a dirty rubber band that she found under the same end cap. Joy unparalleled! Stretching it on her fingers and discovering the fascinating powers of its elasticity was clearly a discovery that, for Bonita, was unrivaled by anything of Newton and Einstein.

Thunk. The can hit the floor. “Oh my God! What are you touching?!”

Why is watching people so entertaining?

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Trying something new

I have no idea if this’ll work, but it’s gonna be short. I’m trying to post from my phone. I’m not going for anything fancy (such as adding graphics like I usually do), but just want to see if this is a way to sort of “log in” when I’m away from a computer and wi-fi connection. Hopefully, auto-correct won’t add too many typos.

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You’re Only As Old As You Feel

Old woman with rollator

Old woman with rollator (Photo credit: Verbal Jam)

In the course of the average day, I feel every age from 6 to 600. One minute, I’m cackling like a happy hen, feeling good, feeling sexy. Within an hour, I’m creeping up the stairs and feeling as winded as the last person to cross the finish line in the senior division of the local 10K. (Don’t get me wrong, here. Running is great, but you won’t catch me doing it unless I have to catch a train in Chicago.) Please, get me a walker, and put a basket on the front, while you’re at it. The next minute, I’m chortling like a toddler on an overdose of fruit snacks.

I used to be such an active woman. But I just, literally, have no energy. (I also think I have some high blood pressure issues going, but we’ll see what the new doc says about that. Appointment is in a few weeks…) I’ve always been more of a morning person, and found my best hours for mental acuity were happening before noon, but lately, it’s not happening. Where I used to have five good hours, I feel lucky if I have five good minutes. My mental energy is little better than my physical energy, but it is a little better.

I need to exercise more, there’s no doubt about it. I can’t believe I used to have a gym membership where I lifted weights, went to a belly dance class, and zoomed around a roller skating rink, all in the same week. I thought I would do more of that, once I moved to Milwaukee, but instead, it’s been worse. I thought it would be nice to have things within walking distance, but instead, because it’s the East Side (and therefore the happening place to live), it’s more expensive, and my income did not increase to compensate.

Don’t even get me started on New Year’s resolutions. I don’t like ‘em, and I usually don’t keep ‘em. Neither does anyone else that I’ve met. Ever.

But I have to do something. I can’t just end up fat and sassy. I mean, I’m already that, so would that be fatter and sassier? Hmmm… Does sassiness increase with fatness? Is that a direct proportion? Mmm… math always gives me energy.

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Enter a post title

This is how my Windows Live Writer starts every posting. With that phrase in the title box, and then the rest of the screen all blank and waiting, like a new notebook, for me to enter something. Anything.

Enter: A post title. Stage left? Okay.

Post title: So, what do you have to say for yourself.
Me: Nothing.
Post title: Then why am I here?
Me: I haven’t the slightest idea.
Post title: Can I go home, then?
Me: You can’t go home again.
Post title: I think that’s been taken.
Me: Figures.