Silent Night

No MusicThis is the first Christmas in over twelve years where I’m not playing the piano. I’m not sure that I like it.

At first, the idea of having the holidays off sounded like a dream come true. Catholic churches have a busy holiday schedule, because, unlike most Protestant denominations, there’s a whole lot more going on in the month of December (and the rest of the year, too) than the usual roster of Sunday services and the special Christmas service, which, since Christmas does fall on a Sunday this year, did make it a little easier.

I stopped playing back in September, and it’s left a real empty place in my life. I’m not going to the local church at all, due to issues that are not going to be talked about in this blog. But because I’m usually really involved in my congregation (even when I don’t play), just going to a different church bores me. Oh, I enjoy it, but I don’t feel like I’m a part of it, except as an intellectual exercise.

This is one area where living out in rural America stinks. There’s no closer Catholic church than ten miles away, and I have a real financial issue with driving so far to attend services several times a week. So I’m pretty much doing next to nothing. I am NOT joining a different denomination. It’s not where I’m at. It’s not what I want.

It really sucks.

Notes to Sophia

Calligraphic inspiration, really!

Image by Søren Hugger Møller via Flickr

I’ve been chatting with Sophia on Skype while she’s studying abroad in Rome this semester. My parents were, initially, aghast at the idea, since they thought I was calling her on the phone and figured I was running up a bill in the hundreds of dollars every other day. So I took my computer over to their house and we’ve all talked to her. I guess it is pretty cool, if you think about it.

Video or not, every single time we talk, there’s something I forget to mention to her. (How utterly normal, and mom-like!) In the past, I would just text her. (Well, in the olden days, I would’ve just make some notes on an actual piece of paper with a pen or pencil! Wow, how quaint and old-timey!) But now that she doesn’t have her phone with her, I can’t text her, but I’ve discovered there’s a way to send SMS messages on Skype, so I just make sort of a running commentary of things, and she fills herself in when she logs on, before she calls.

I thought it might be interesting for people to see that my texts to her, despite the fact that she’s halfway around the world, don’t really differ that much from what they do when she’s here. They generally encompass the mom-style comments that I imagine go on all over the world.

  • What are you doing? How are you doing? (You know, “don’t forget to wear a sweater, take your vitamins, get a good night’s sleep, etc.”)
  • Here’s a good place to visit, if you haven’t already been there.
  • Don’t waste your money, it’s not growing on trees!
  • My various opinions about cultural expectations.
  • Duh moments, on my part.

So, for your unfettered amusement, here are my completely unedited texts from this morning:

I downloaded Google earth and “walked” from the Pantheon to your hotel! Cool! The hotel is MUCH smaller than I thought. I can see how doing business with Saint Mary’s is a good way for them to make steady money, aside from the tourists. It’s crazy how the streets are so narrow! People here would freak. Not to mention the fact that everyone is walking!!! What would people here do?

Here’s the closest yarn store, according to my estimates:
Canetta Srl – Filati
Via 4 Novembre, 157
00817 Rome, Italy

It’s just a little farther away than the Pantheon, except east, rather than north. So easily within walking distance. Like two blocks from Trajan’s column, which you should see, if you haven’t. It’s the basis for what calligraphers use for “Roman” lettering. I’ve only seen pictures of it, but it’s amazing. I learned to do “Trajan Capitals” when I studied calligraphy…. for some reason, I was thinking it was in another part of the country… Honestly, I keep forgetting that Rome has WAY more to it than just Catholic stuff.

Reading over it, I do have to laugh… Yes, she’s buying some sock yarn for me (well, for me to make her socks), since I told her most of the yarn I use is actually imported from Italy. I was “looking” for the store using the street view in Google earth (why I didn’t think of that before now is beyond me), and “wandered” by a couple of famous things (well, more than a couple!), which prompted me to ask if she’s already seen them or plans to.

And honestly, maybe it’s just because Catholicism is just such a major part of my life, but I keep thinking that all the “Roman” stuff is…uh…somewhere else! What am I thinking?

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Ambivalence reigns supreme…

The Dating Game

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I don’t know if this is a good idea or not, but I registered for an internet dating site. http://www.catholicsoulmates.com/home.do Good Lord, what will this bring. I’ll keep you posted. For those of you that actually know me, why don’t you visit and look at the profile and see if there’s anything I’ve left out that seems critical. For those of you that don’t really know me that well, why don’t you visit and learn more. Looks like a lark.

Worship

Statue of King David by Nicolas Cordier in the...

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It’s not just for Sundays anymore! Or, it shouldn’t be.

In all truth, however, I don’t think I spend a lot of time worshipping when I’m not at church. And that’s something I’d like to change. In the first books of both Kings and Chronicles, we see King David worshipping at so many times, and when in so many situations that it’s obvious that he did it all the time.

I know that in the past I’ve worshipped God when I’m happy, but I tend not to worship when I’m sad or depressed, let alone when I’m angry. But we see David worshipping even after the death of the “love child” he conceived with Bathsheba. (Don’t get me started on that relationship. It’s for another entry!)

I’ve read a number of religiously-oriented books about depression that suggest worshipping when I’m depressed, and I’ll have to admit that when I’ve grudgingly (yes, I’ll admit it) started, it’s been a positive experience and has lifted my mood. The more I worshipped, the better the mood. I’ll also admit that there’s been more than a few occasions where I had no intention of worshipping, because I just couldn’t get there. (A few of those times I didn’t even want to get there! Sad…)

Could that perhaps be because I haven’t made worship a daily activity? Maybe if I was more in the habit of worshipping God every day, rain or shine (especially in the rain?), I’d be more inclined to worship Him when I’m not in the mood.

But what does it mean to worship God? According to the Oxford English Dictionary the act of worship includes:

1. To honour or revere as a supernatural being or power, or as a holy thing; to regard or approach with veneration; to adore with appropriate acts, rites, or ceremonies. b. To regard with extreme respect or devotion; to ‘adore’. c. To engage in worship; to perform, or take part in, the act of worship.

2. To honour; to regard or treat with honour or respect. b. To treat with signs of honour or respect; to salute, bow down to. c. To honour with gifts, etc.

3. To invest with, raise to, honour or repute; to confer honor or dignity upon.

Yeah, all that church stuff. (Odd how it doesn’t include singing!) It’s a lot easier to do this in a ritualized church environment. You’re already in the right place, at the right time, with the right sounds and smells (all these sensual experiences make it so much easier—it’s stuff Catholics like). We see all these things utilized—demanded by God even—in the Old Testament. Almost every religion uses the senses to help create a suitable environment for worship.

But there’s obviously more to worshipping God than the burnt offerings of the Old Testament Jewish Temple and the weekly religious services many of us now engage in (regardless of your religious persuasion).

So what does it mean to worship God at home, right now, in this day and age? For me, it’s a lot about the definition I gave above. Honoring God, calling to mind His attributes and characteristics, listing the many things He has done for me (things I don’t deserve). I may sing (with or without playing the piano), or even dance. Maybe I’ll even bow down!

What might you do?

Bible Marathon

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A marathon, not a telethon, and you don’t read while you run for 26 miles (though that’s an intriguing possibility)! No, the only running involved was when I ran across an online 90-day Bible reading plan (courtesy of a site called YouVersion). It sounded like an intriguing possibility, and a good way to both bolster my spirits in general, and keep me occupied while Sophia’s in Rome for this semester, so I decided to take the plunge.

I’m only a day behind so far (since I was pretty occupied last Tuesday with getting her on her flight at O’Hare, as well as a deluge of packing, last minute purchases, and the 6 hours in the car there and back0, so I’m doing pretty good. I read more some days, and less others, but the computer keeps track of the chapters and what day they’re “due.” I generally read from a print version, and then check them off on the on-line version, but if I’m away form home, I can always read on the road via the computer. Since my Bible and my laptop weigh about the same, there’s no savings there, but I do have more options with a laptop!

This isn’t the first time I’ve read the Bible all the way through, by any means. (I’ve read my New American Bible a few times.) About ten years ago I started reading Protestant versions, to keep up with the times, so what I like to do is read different translations. I really enjoyed reading the King James Version, because there are so many phrases that you recognize as lines from movies or books! It’s a little like going to the opera and thinking, Hey, didn’t I hear this music from Bugs Bunny cartoons when I was a kid? The whole experience is that much more enjoyable. This time I’m reading the Amplified Version. It’s intriguing, since there’s so much expansion. It doesn’t make for good reading aloud, I think, but it’s okay for silent reading. I know there are people that use it all the time, but I think most people feel comfortable with the Bible that they’ve used the longest.

So this is my reading for now. Mostly. Naturally, I’m also reading a number of other books, but they’ve sort of taken a back seat since I’m on this reading plan.

Stuff Catholics Like: Love Wins (Part 2)

This is the second part of a two part article/review of Rob Bell’s newest book, Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived, and if you haven’t read yesterday’s entry, you need to, otherwise this will seem disjointed and probably make no sense.

Definition of GoodnessCase in point:
In the realm of public opinion, there are so very few people who fall so strongly in the good camp that I can only (easily) think of one: Mother Teresa. Most people would think of her as having been so astonishingly good that it’s entirely possible that she is provided as an illustration next to the entry for goodness in a dictionary. However, at one point Mother Teresa mentioned that she was sure that there were good Muslims and Hindus in Heaven. At which juncture some people promptly decided that she was obviously in league with Satan.

As Rob Bell might put it, “Huh?
Mother Teresa.
In league with Satan.
And you know this.

It strikes me that it seems as though many Christians (especially those that call themselves Evangelical—an adjective that strikes me in much the same way that church signs like “Church of the One True God” do—what other kind is there?) like the idea of the title of this book, but they don’t like the practice of it. I think they really believe that love does win, but deep down, they seem like they don’t like it. Most of the people who vehemently disagree with this book seem to be deeply disappointed that being a Christian isn’t like belonging to a very exclusive country club, and that somehow, a sort of Wal-Mart Heaven isn’t what they had in mind. It sort of seems like, well, once everyone can afford to carry a Coach handbag, they’re not going to be cool anymore. If well, just anyone can go to Heaven, we’re going to need to find a different place.

Sorry, but that place sounds like Hell.

Rob Bell’s idea of the generosity of God’s love and the inclusivity of Heaven is one I like. Of course, I’m one of those people who found the gleeful dancing and “he’s-roasting-in-hell-now-just-like-he-deserves” attitude exhibited by some people who call themselves Christians after the death of Osama bin Ladin to be distressing and/or sad. I’m not saying that Osama bin Ladin was a good man. What I am saying is that I can’t believe that anyone who says they believe in Jesus and want to be like Him believes that the same Jesus who wept over Jerusalem is actually excited about the eternal damnation of anyone, even if that person is (was?) named Osama bin Ladin.

Please note that I am not saying that Osama bin Ladin is in Heaven. What I am saying is that I believe no one is beyond salvation. In Matthew 24:35,36, Jesus said, “Heaven and earth will pass away….But of that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.” Now if Jesus Himself doesn’t know the date of the end of the world, how can it be that the average man on the street knows the eternal destination of a specific person? So as to Osama’s status, I just don’t know.

What I believe, and what I see Bell saying is that if Osama bin Ladin is in Hell, God didn’t send him there. God doesn’t send people to Hell. People choose that for themselves. I’ve chosen it for myself from time to time, and I’ll bet you have, too. No one wants to go to hell, even for five minutes. But we do.

But if Christianity is about anything, it’s about hope. So when someone says that some specific bad person is definitively in Hell, I think they must have a finger on the pulse of a god that I don’t recognize, and not Jesus, who is definitely the God of Hope. How can anyone know what happens in the eternal moment (where a thousand years are like a day, and a day is like a thousand years) that happens between when a person is still alive and he (or she) has died? Has hope also died? Apparently so, for some people. But my vision of God is bigger than that. And so, I read, is Bell’s.

Of course, I could be wrong about all this. After all, I am a Catholic.

Stuff Catholics Like: Love Wins (Part I)

If you haven’t already figured it out by some of my earlier blog entries, I’m a Catholic. Depending on which school of thought you fall in, that usually (but not necessarily) makes me one of the following:

Love Wins by Rob BellGiven these possibilities, my review of Rob Bell’s book Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived will probably just serve to cement your point of view. In my experience, most people prefer options that reinforce their currently held opinion, regardless of what it is.

When I first ran across this book at the store, my only thought was, “Hey! I didn’t know he’d written another book. Cool!” So I bought it and read it over the course of a couple days. (It’s not a hard book to read, and I could’ve finished it in one sitting, but I was working on another book at the time, which is all too common for me.) I found it well-reasoned, thought provoking, and ultimately, exciting! One of the things I like most about Bell is his willingness to admit that while he might not have all the answers, he’s not afraid to ask the questions.

So imagine my surprise when I posted a brief entry last night mentioning it, and found that there were no less than approximately fifteen thousand separate articles I could’ve used as “Related Articles” that reference this book and the astonishingly strong reactions it’s provoking among some members of the Christian community.

I’ve decided not to reference most of these strong-minded articles. One, because they’re really easy to find on the Internet. Two, because all the ones I’ve read so far completely miss the point of this book, which is, oddly enough, the title.

Because I’m a Catholic, I’m pretty used to being the subject of intense opinion and curiosity. (Maybe it’s because I’m open minded and approachable, and generally come across as an intelligent person with a sense of humor. I don’t know.) There have been people who have asked me, in all honesty and without a hint of sarcasm, why Catholics worship statues. (We don’t.) I know, for a fact, that there are people who believe Catholics worship Satan (we don’t) and are all bound for a justly-deserved hell. (We aren’t. Well, maybe some of us are. But not me. Oops. But not I.) And there are people who believe that if we only accepted Jesus as our personal Savior, we’d finally come to realize that the Protestants are right. (We won’t.) And naturally, there are people who just don’t care about that sort of thing. (I, however, do.)

What’s interesting about most of these reviews is that they seem to completely miss the point of this book. (It really makes me wonder if the writers have actually read Love Wins.) One reviewer basically said that because the book didn’t have copious footnotes and could be read in under two hours, it basically wasn’t worth it, theologically. (Point of reference: the Bible doesn’t actually have any footnotes, and the entire Gospel of John on CD clocks in at only a little more than two hours, and that’s because it’s being read aloud. Hmmm….) Another writer said that if Jesus wasn’t really the only way to get to heaven, and if everyone really does a “get out of jail free” card, then why not live a life of unbridled self-indulgence?

After a thorough reading and re-reading of this book, I can not, for the life of me, see how Bell is saying that what amounts to using people for personal advancement, defrauding the poor, or engaging in wild sexual abandon, is okay with God, and He “lets you in” anyway. What I do see is that Bell’s view of salvation is a lot more expansive than that of a lot of conservative, self-proclaimed Evangelical Christians.

Stay tuned, because I’m nowhere near done with this.

Stuff Catholics Like: Parish Festivals

Waiting for Salvador Nieves' amazing tacos!Church festivals are perhaps the most underrated form of entertainment ever. For just a few dollars, there’s food and frolic that beats anything else around. Even if you do nothing but people watch, there’s usually some shenanigans that’ll make you laugh.

Today is our parish festival at Saint Joseph’s and I popped over for a couple hours this afternoon. What a riot! I talked with a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in a while, tasted some beverages that I’d never had before (aguas frescas), and cackled with some ladies until I thought I might wet myself. And the party doesn’t end (officially) until almost 8:00 tonight. I’m definitely going back to dance later.

For all the hilarity, this is a pretty tame parish festival. I’ve been to some (back when I lived in Milwaukee) where there was a whole lot of drinking and raucousness that really made it hard to tell apart from a wild beer tent! Of course, that was later in the evening. There’d be live music and pitchers of beer, open gambling and dancing—all stuff that Catholics are well known for, since we don’t tend to separate church activities from the rest of life. Inevitably, there were people from non-carousing denominations who would come to let their hair down in the belief that no one else from their church would be there to witness their unbridled acts of debauchery. I’ve even seen Baptists dancing!

It could be that the best part is that there’s our Saturday night Mass right in the middle of the festival, so you can come party, go to church, and then party some more, all at one venue! What could be better?

For Crying Out Loud!

Cry out loud

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We’re not too fond of humiliation in this day and age. And who would be? I’m quite sure people haven’t been fond of humiliation in any age. Needless to say, I experienced some sense of it earlier today and the final upshot is entirely instructive to me.

Without going into too many details, let me say that I think my response was typical. First, I got super mad! “How dare I be treated this way!” Grumbling ensued. Then, I was saddened. “I feel so rejected and hurt.” Crying ensued. Finally, after a couple of hours, I’ve come to my senses. “Why am I so upset? It’s probably nothing! Lots of saintly people are misunderstood–even Jesus! I’m hardly saintly, so why am I carrying on so?” I’m slowly stepping toward acceptance. Relief has ensued.

I just wish I could get to the last step without having gone through the first two! Maybe it’ll be easier next time, though given my history, I’m a little doubtful. I’m just grateful that I didn’t lose my temper and say something nasty, which is very tempting. Or worse, grumble and whine in the background, which is even more tempting and a far worse choice. Having waited a while, I’m glad I did.

Religious Enthusiasm

Jacinta Marto, Lucia dos Santos, and Francisco MartoI can’t help it sometimes… I read something about Jesus and how He has done so much for us and loves us, and then I get excited and enter a season of religious enthusiasm! Unfortunately, I usually get discouraged by my inability to actually be a good person.

Lately, I’ve been inspired by reading about the apparitions of the Virgin Mary at Fatima, Portugal, in 1917. Marian apparitions have long interested me (maybe fascinated is a better term), and these are no exception. In fact, I learned about them when I was a very little girl, so they’re probably my favorite.

The Catholic Church does not officially recognize all apparitions as authentic, and no Catholic is actually required to believe in them. But honestly, if the Blessed Mother appeared to me, and asked me to pray more, would I turn her down? No. Of course not. And I certainly do believe that she appeared to these three children, and there is nothing about her message that is weird or impossible to do. Her requests:

If you’re not Catholic, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about for the last three items. It could be that you don’t know about Brown Scapular of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. Mine looks like this one!this, even if you are Catholic. For more information on these requests, you might try a place called The World Apostolate of Fatima, U.S.A., which is a clearing house for all things Fatima. (There are many web sites about Fatima, from the orthodox to the nonsensical. I will not make any other recommendations.)

Six little requests. So easy to do! So why don’t I? Is it unrealistic? No. Too hard for ordinary people? No. Peculiar to the time and place? No. Am I just too lazy? Probably. And I feel guilty about that.

Fortunately, God is very merciful. He loves it when we brush ourselves off and try again. And so does His mother!