Long time…no write…

NightmareYeah, it’s been a long time. The whole time Sophia’s been gone to Rome, I’ve been a whirlwind of activity. I didn’t get depressed at ALL! Yay! Almost too busy to write, which sounds like a pretty good explanation to me.

I was good for three months. Now I’m a wreck. Now, the week before she returns, when I’ve got a house to clean and the holiday season is upon us, I’m too depressed to be any earthly good. I hate being like this.

Found this picture. I can’t really tell if she’s falling through or being pulled under, or a bit of both. The screaming, though, that I can relate to. Screamed at my best friend Friday afternoon, and threw things yesterday. Very bad… That’s when I know I’m at my worst—when I start throwing things. Yesterday, I had to have a box of eggs put out of reach, or I would have easily broken them all. “Just put them in the fridge, or they’ll end up on the walls.” Thankfully, I know my limits.

The artist is Joshua Hoffine. His site is Fifth Dimension. For me, I’m about up to my fifth dementia… If only it were that explicable…

5 thoughts on “Long time…no write…

  1. The holidays are always stressful. I imagine that it is even more so with Sophia returning home after a semester abroad – the pressure to make everything “perfect” can be paralyzing.

    We are dealing with something similar in our household. We moved into our new home less than a month ago and we are struggling to unpack things and put them away. Plus, my wife is adjusting to her new job and our cats are adjusting to their new environment. And, of course, we have all of the Christmas festivities and events to attend to, including dinner with the Auburn president this evening …

    So, remember that what is most important for Sophia and your family and friends is your presence and your love. Don’t obsess about dust bunnies or a little domestic entropy. Smile, hug, and hang in there.

    • Frankly, I don’t find the holidays any more stressful than any other time of year. Bills are bills, and they don’t seem to take the holidays off.

      I haven’t been a gift giver in a LONG time. I made socks for Sophia from a yarn she chose so no surprise there. Dad hates presents, and Mom only wants ridiculous things I can’t possibly afford, so she’s not getting anything again.

      I don’t care so much about perfect anymore. That flew out the window when Sophia was a VERY little girl. But it would be nice to bake some holiday treats, which again, I have no money for. I’d be happy going caroling, but trying to find a group just meets with the same incredulous stares that I would expect to see upon suggesting that we all go skinny dipping in a frozen pond. Like so many holiday traditions that don’t involve spending gross amounts of money to buy senseless items, it just seems to have fallen by the wayside. No one wants to… Alas…

  2. Heck, who needs other people to go caroling? Just turn on some Christmas tunes and start singing. I once suggested to friends that we go caroling and they all acted like it would be the worst thing in the world…so I just sing around the house…believe me, that’s probably for the best with my singing voice…enjoy the holidays with your family, that’s what really counts.

    • Oh, well, I do sing along to the radio, and I play the piano and sing too. I just remember all the fun we’ve had going door-to-door, and watching people come to the front door, or look out the windows. The children’s faces were especially precious.

      I also loved going to the nursing homes–you’ll be appreciated there like nowhere else.

      Honestly, it doesn’t matter if you’re a good singer or not… as long as the weather isn’t dangerously cold.

  3. Glad to see you back blogging. I’m not a Christmas person either- nothing to do with current stress, mine is the ghost of the stresses of Christmases past, and the lack of sunlight, altho’ this fall has been sunny so that hasn’t been too bad. Oh well, we grump, we yell, we throw an egg or two (aim for the sink, easier to clean up) and we get through it to better days. At least when you reach a certain age you know yourself well enough to remember that you will get through it and it will get better.

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