Letter to Dannah Gresh

Dannah GreshI wrote this letter to author Dannah Gresh and am putting it here for your amusement.

Dear Dannah,

I’m hoping you will be able to help by donning an “advice to the lovelorn/Dear Abby” style hat!

I’ve read almost all of your books. I’ve hosted purity retreats based on “And the Bride Wore White.” But I still have questions, and concerns. As a divorced woman, with a somewhat checkered past (to say the least), I’ve had my share of sexual experiences. Some great, some not so great. I believe, believe, believe in the Bible, but I love, love, love sex. If I got married again, and my husband was NOT good, it would just be a disaster. I’m starting to date again, and I want to wait, but I don’t want to wake up after having a hideous honeymoon. What’s your advice? I feel like all the waiting is nice if you haven’t had enough experience to make an “informed decision.”

Many girls I’ve spoken with who’ve slept around have told me that they’ve never had a good experience (sad, but typical), even if they slept around during a time in their lives when they didn’t think it was wrong at all (so no guilt to contend with–at the time). Even in committed, Christian relationships, women are still complaining that men just don’t “get it.” And that’s what I’m supposed to wait for?

Would it be better to wait until menopause for me to remarry (it’s not that far away–I’m 46), just so I’m less inclined to think sex is that exciting, anyway?

I’m rambling… I guess I really am concerned.

Thanks, Cynthia

18 thoughts on “Letter to Dannah Gresh

  1. Huh? Waa? Why do you think that sex will be less exciting after meno(the) pause (that does not refresh)? No longer any concern about pregnancy. Yeah, it takes a bit longer but with the children gone you have as long as it takes. OK, no more on the kitchen table or in the backseat of the car but truly, was being poked in the head by the door handle all that exciting anyway? How much of that excitement came from technique and how much was just because it was new? Look, you know what it takes for you. Find a man who is secure enough not to be threatened by toys and willing to be educated and …
    Oh yeah, I almost forgot- tantra. Middle age when everything slowing down anyway is the time for tantra.

    • Oh, this is great! I knew I was opening up a can of worms by putting this letter out on the blog, but I’m still glad I did it.

      I love this comment! I’m really hoping that menopause will take none of the excitement away… I had done some reading and it was sounding really dreadful… I know that not all women have a letdown, but I was probably feeling sorry for myself… woe is me, not only do I not have a husband, but by the time I do, I won’t have any fun any more.

  2. Sorry ’bout that. I know my post did not answer your question but it distresses me that women feel that the thrill is gone once they hit a certain age.

  3. If your new husband were receptive to instruction in the art of lovemaking and if you were willing to provide that instruction, wouldn’t the risk of waiting be minimal? I understand that answering these questions might be awkward and would require a degree of self-examination that might be a bit disconcerting. However, I think that you might learn a lot about a prospective husband by having this conversation with him.

    • I think every man is relatively receptive to instruction…at least in my experience. I mean, we have come a long way from “lie back and think of England.”

      But if there’s no spark, what do you do then? You waited, and then it was awful? Would God even allow that? Maybe it’s wrong to assume that God would automatically allow the sex to be good because we waited because it was the God-honoring thing to do…

      I really hope Dannah answers my letter!

  4. I really…really….REALLY REALLY REALLY want to see the response from a ‘Christian’ pov. Sorry, if A was bad in bed, we probably wouldn’t have gotten married. Call me shallow but sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship.

    • I agree with you on both counts:

      1. I really, really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to see the Christian response.
      2. Sex IS an important part of a relationship.

      Good for you that A (like I don’t know what that stands for, ha!) is satisfying you. (Not smirking here! Well, maybe just a little!)

  5. that said, sex with love within the bounds of a relationship is a zillion times better than a one night stand, so perhaps that combination can help lead to satisfying relationship? idk…

  6. Read her new book. What Are you Waiting For? I just heard he speak live and found this book revolutionizing. She talks about when Genesis 4:1 concerns her when it quotes…”Adam lays with Eve…” Lays translates in Greek as Yada. To know. To be known. To be respected.

    It’s an amazing book. She goes way deep into today’s culture and why yada is worth waiting for with a man.

    • Oh, I read that book, what, the week it came out. It’s really a translation from Hebrew, not Greek. I have no problem with what she says. I think yada IS worth waiting for in a man. But I think you’re missing my point. I’m not saying it’s NOT worth waiting for, I’m saying, “What happens when I wait, and then it sucks?” I’m not waiting for more suckiness. I’ve already had plenty of that.

      • Tom says you both need to read “between the sheets”. I think that was the name of it. If not, let me know.

    • I don’t really have any new answers, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. It might be good, and it might not be. I think there’s no easy answers. I’ve got a new post out today that talks about Jesus. You’ll see.

      • Would love to hear your thoughts on a book by Denise Glenn, “Restore My Heart”. Studies the customs of betrothal and engagement in ancient Israel and gives a lot of insights for women interested in exploring that relationship. My favorite scripture passage in there is “You will be called ‘My Delight is in Her’…”

        Awesome. 🙂

      • Sounds great. Apparently, it’s out of print, so I’ll check the library. I can’t believe I haven’t heard of it, since, really, I thought I’d read every book on the subject that had been written. Thanks for the head’s up. I’m always looking for potentially life-changing, mind-expanding reading suggestions.

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